Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Ulterior Motives

I've been thinking of making a blog for just my one-shots and short stories for a while now and today I finally got the ambition to do so! As of right now I have one story posted... I will be posting some others as the weeks go by and I get them proof-read. Obviously this is just a space for the extra things I write which might not all be on hockey players... we shall see... click on the link, check it out and follow!! :o)


Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Don't Give Up On Me

Well, I said I wouldn't do it. I said I wouldn't be writing full-stories, but this article and a talk in Philly with K and RebelHeart made the gears begin to turn on a player that people either hate or love. I can't say he's gorgeous, but I can't say he's ugly... I guess I want to say that he is intriguing and makes for a good story character. I am not a Capitals fan, so please don't think of me as one. However, with some help from some willing people, I've had some help in making this story seem as authentic as possible.

I am sure I will have some readers that won't be willing to read this because of the character, and that is fine, but I ask you keep an open mind (like me) and remember I have yet (at least I hope) to steer you in the wrong direction with my random pick of guys... Enjoy and please let me hear your comments (whether you like it or not)!!


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Check It Out!!

Posting one of my archived stories... www.loveandflowers19.blogspot

Check it out!! I'd love to see you all over there and hear your comments!! Also keep on a look-out... I am planning on making a page that will just be my short-stories and one-shots... some will be old and some will be new as the year goes by! I'll let you know when and where! Hope you're all well and thanks again for the support!!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

New Story...

Please check out the new story I've been building... www.ifnotnow89.blogspot.com

Well, I'm sad to say that this will probably be the last story I write for roughly a year. For those who don't know me, I'm starting paramedic school in September and my friends and instructors have already warned me that I will have no life but studying, practicals and sleeping. So, I wanted to have one last hurrah before it is time to buckle down and become a full-time student for the first time since I graduated college a few years ago.

I will definitely be posting the rest of the stories I have written and posted on the Hockey Fantasy Fiction board since many have expressed interest in that...so no worries.

I only have a few chapters written of this so far and I contemplated on waiting to post it until it was finished, but like any writer, I am looking for feedback!! It will be a chapter or 2 until we learn about my new hockey muse... strangely, he has been someone that I've been attempting to write about for some time now, but nothing ever seemed to work until this time. I hope you all enjoy and will follow me along on this last adventure before my hiatus!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Chapter 14 (The End!)

So maybe this story could have gone on for a little longer... but I've found with writing that when it seems right to end it, it is then the right time to end it. I know this was supposed to be a hockey boy story and it was, but I like to think in my perfect little world that the hockey boy doesn't always get the girl because sometimes the non-hockey boys are sometimes just as special, if not more.  Of course this is the case with Jack. It was supposed to end like this in my head, but Jack's character grew a little larger into the story than I originally intended and here we are.

A little tid-bit as I finished proof-reading this chapter this morning.  I turned on my slacker radio and Crush by DMB was the first song to play!!! A coincidence? I think NOT! I always say that music defines each and every moment in our life, today being no different I guess. :o)

Thank you all for your awesome comments.

@MelTing: you were my first follower before I even posted a chapter on the page, our e-mail ramblings back and forth about ideas and just other wacky things really did help me along and I want to thank you for that!! Plus, I know I can always count on interesting thoughts when you comment. Go Canucks!

@RebelHeart87: Mel, I know you were Team Jarret... but I hope you still love me!! :o)

@I love Canadian Boys: Another one of my stead-fast commenters!! Thank you!! I always smile when I read them!!

@Gabbiie, AYF, Maeghan, Mimi, India and my Anon's: I always love when I see you comment!! I know that even though you don't comment everytime I know you are still reading from your random comments throughout and the DM's I get from you on Twitter!! :o) Thanks much!!

If I have missed anyone, I apologize if I've missed anyone... just know that I truly appreciate you following and reading!!  I just felt I should do some thank you shout-outs this time around!!

So since this is done the main project will be Make Me Believe which is about James Neal.  If you are not a Pens fan and are possibly tired of all the Pen Fan Fic like I sometimes can be, please check it out anyway because it actually starts in Dallas (which is where I originally began following Neal) and as a Flyers fan, I will not be getting overly mushy with the rival team on the other side of my state. (Sorry to my Pens fans, it's all good. haha) So check it out or just keep an eye out for other stories I might post... You can choose from Price, Stamkos, Lupul, Savard, and a Bobby Ryan fic that I have lying around in my archives... let me know!!

I love you oh so well. 

Ch. 14

Jarret and I scrubbed my new home from top to bottom.  He also helped do a few little repairs that needed to be done before I could move in.  I was grateful for his help and kept telling him so until he grew tired of hearing it.

“You know what?!” he growled, causing me to squeak in surprise because I quickly found myself slung over his shoulder.

“I hope you’re going to tell me soon and put me down!” I cried.

“I’m glad you’re Jack’s because I don’t think I could put up with this thankful fawning much longer from you!  I think I liked you better with you giving me a hard time about everything.”

“I am just trying to make sure you know how much I appreciate your help…” I began but soon I shut my mouth, quickly becoming worried at where he might be taking me, especially when he stepped outside and began walking down the back steps towards the above ground pool that Elsie had put in a few years back.  “Jay!  You better not be taking me…” SPLASH! “…where I think you are taking me,” I finished my sentence after spouting out a mouthful of water like a cupid fountain in a fancy garden.  “You are damn lucky I don’t have my phone in my pocket!”

“Even if it was, I would have bought you a new one,” he laughed while pulling his t-shirt over his head and making haste in emptying his pockets.  “It’s fucking hot and we’ve been working our asses off to get this house clean.  The volunteer help wants a break.”

I sighed in total agreement while I leaned back in the water and did a couple backstrokes in the pool so that he could get in without jumping in on top of me.  I was still in my clothing, but there was no point in getting out of them now.  “I guess after these last few weeks you are probably happy to be heading back to LA, eh?”  I asked, trying not to stare at his chiseled shirtless self and reminding myself how sexy Jack looked naked over top of me which I actually found a lot hotter than Jarret.

“I’m actually kind of dreading to head back to reality,” he divulged as he grabbed an errant noodle that had been left behind from one of the neighborhood kids that frequented the pool.  “It’s been a nice vacation from all the fake smiles and fake boobs.  I’ve been able to get some priorities in line and I’ve made a new best friend that I’m sad to not be taking back to LA with me,” he finished with sad puppy lips to accentuate the idea.

“I’m sure you’ll meet more than enough girls in LA that will comfort you,” I laughed, splashing him with water.

He laughed, throwing a handful of water back in my direction.  “This is probably true, but I think I’m going to take my time and make sure they have a few more qualities about them that I used to just overlook.”

“So you are telling me you are looking for someone to put you in your place and be indecisive when it comes to the actual relationship?” I grinned.

“Exactly!” he exclaimed with our boisterous laughter bouncing off the water, probably allowing us to be heard throughout the neighborhood. 

Wednesday afternoon he left for Saskatoon and by Friday he would be back in LA.  I couldn’t help but cry.  Not only was I losing my new best friend, but I was going to be alone.

“You’re going to be fine, Beth.  I’ll call you when I get to LA.”


“Yeah, babe?”

“Thank you for everything.”

“No, thank you for showing me how much I needed certain people in my life; this has definitely been a summer I will never forget.”  At that he leaned down and kissed me softly on the lips, as if he was sealing the envelope on everything we had shared together this summer.  “Love you Beth.”

“Love you too, Jay.”

And at that he was gone.

I stepped on the plane, walked to my seat and sat down.  After digging out my IPod for the flight, I looked out the window and watched another plane take off.  I always insisted on having a window seat, just for that purpose.  The plane-ride was going to be bittersweet.  I spent a day in Saskatoon with some friends and now I was headed back to the fishbowl that was LA.  Who would have thought a summer could change someone’s life; especially someone who thought they had it all figured out.

I meant what I said to Beth.  She made me realize that there were more than just a few things missing with the women I had gotten serious in the past.  The main thing being, I was allowed to be myself when I was with Beth.  There were no expectations on how I was supposed to be except for the expectation to be myself. 

When I was with Rachel I was the arm trophy for an older woman who was past her prime.  With Katie I felt as if I had to reinvent my past, almost becoming ashamed that I had come from such a hard working past.  She grew up in a famous family and had been handed everything on a silver platter, making her used to growing up under the limelight, something I had begun to despise after all the tabloid publicity/scrutiny I got after I broke it off with Rachel.  I had to deal with a lot of media pressure, even in the locker room about supposedly breaking it off via e-mail; which was a total lie.

Truthfully, maybe I didn’t need a woman to make me happy in life.  Some guys needed someone to be there for them when they got home.  Me?  Well, I just needed some good friends to hang with and be able to trust.  That’s it.  I’m going to be a happy, single man.  Who needs the burden of a woman?!  Not this independent man.

“Excuse me?” a sweet voice spoke, pulling me from my thoughts.  I must have looked like a complete douche because I’m sure I had some stupid ass grin on my face from the inner-monologue conversation I had just been having with myself.  Instead of wiping the smile completely off my face, I found myself grinning even broader at the familiar, beautiful brunette batting her eyelashes at me.

“Yes?” I tilted my head.

“I was wondering if you would mind if I took this empty aisle seat?  You see, they gave me a window seat and I can’t stand sitting next to the window, and the old lady next to me a few rows back also feels the same way, so she won’t switch with me…”

She was heart stopping, somehow I was able to speak.  My mind involuntarily began replaying through all the movies I had seen her in.  The last thing it played through was the video taken of her at the Stanley Cup Finals a couple months ago in Boston where she was dancing and being goofy on the jumbo-tron.  I remember how I found it endearing and that I wouldn’t mind meeting her one day and possibly asking her on a date.  “Of course you may,” I said, trying not to sound overly excited about it.  I quickly stood up and took her carry-on from her hands and placed it in the over-head storage as she gushed thank-you’s.  Before sitting down I reached out my hand to shake hers’ and introduced myself.  “Hi, I’m Jarret Stoll.”

“Rachel McAdams,” she smiled sweetly.  “You play for the LA Kings, right?”

“Yes, I do,” I said simply.

“I love hockey,” she winked at me while plopping down into her new assigned seat.

And I love LA. 

It was a hot Thursday evening, and Bruno wasn’t even interested in getting up off the cool cement floor of the bays when I walked in the building, so I just threw a couple bones down in front of him and walked into the crew room.

“Rick!  I swear, this new station better having fucking air-conditioning because I can’t stand this any longer!” Liz called out, facing the computer screen and not even bothering to look behind her.  Her copper hair was thrown up in a messy pony-tail with errant pieces either curling out from the sides or stuck to her sweat glistened neck.  As beautiful as she was all dressed up for a night on the town, I’d have to say I liked her the best looking just like this.  She was my wild girl and I felt it was a privilege to know this side of her.

“I know of ways to get you cooler,” I breathed into her ear, easily sliding my hands down to her sides to tug playfully at her shirt.

“Jack?!” she squealed loudly as she leaped off the chair and into my arms in one fluid motion.  “What the hell are you doing here?! Oh my God and why are you in your uniform for here?!  Wait, what is going on?!”

“How am I supposed to answer you when don’t stop asking questions?” I laughed at her enthusiasm.

“How can I not have so many questions?!” she yipped back while jumping up on me, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms tightened around my neck, causing me to tap on one of her forearms so that she would get the hint she was choking me.  Luckily she quickly got the hint and loosened her choke-hold on me.  “Sorry!!!” she drew out, laying her head on my shoulder so that she could nuzzle her face into my neck.

I craned my neck a bit to nudge her with my nose.  She lifted her head and before answering any of her questions I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers.  She too was eager for the kiss and her enthusiasm showed as she kissed me back.  If it wouldn’t have been for the god-awful heat/humidity the kiss probably would have lasted longer, but I pulled back after a few moments to break it off.  “Hi,” I smiled down at her as she unhinged herself from me and stood almost a whole foot shorter in front of me.

“Hey,” she breathed, still sporting a confused facial expression.

“So I was wondering if you had any room in that new house of yours.  I’m looking for a place to stay since Taylor is already moved into my old one…”

“And why would you need a place to move into?” Liz asked, raising an eyebrow and biting back a smile.

“It’s seems that Elsie donated a lot of money to the squad…”

“Yeah, that is true.”

“It also seems she made the board change some by-laws before the money would come to them…”  Instead of saying anything she furrowed her brow and looked at me, placing her hands on her hips.  “Some of those by-laws have to do with allowing couples to work together,” I continued, unable to hide my smile, especially as I watched things click into place on Liz’s face.

“We can work together?” she whispered loudly.

“If you want to…”

The expression on her face instantly changed, making it seem as if she went into deep thought about it.

“Liz?” I asked, suddenly becoming a little worried because the seconds were flying by.  “If…I…well if we think this is rushing things then I guess I can work with Taylor for the time being, but I’d rather not…”

My words were cut off by a sudden burst of hysterical laughter from her.  “You are a piece of work, Jack!”

“Why you little shit,” I growled, pulling her to me once more.

“Well, I do have every right to fuck with you because I’m fairly sure you used the excuse of not being able to see each other to get more sex out of me this weekend.  It’s obvious to me that you knew about this change in the by-laws before I even got down to Saskatoon this past weekend…”

“Maybe,” I chuckled, pulling her tighter against me so she couldn’t hit me.  “But I highly doubt the amount of sex that occurred this past weekend would have decreased even if you did know I was moving back home.”

At first I could tell she wanted to challenge this, but I felt her relax a bit in confirmation as she allowed a smile to grace her face.  “You are probably right.”

“So can I be your roommate?”

“Bruno might be jealous…”

“Bruno will just get fat from me giving him treats constantly,” I chuckled.

“I might not want a bed buddy.”

“That’s fine, you can sleep on the couch,” I grinned right before she punched me in the stomach.  “Or not,” I grunted out.

She laughed before throwing her head backwards and cried out, “Elsie!  You are AMAZING!!”

I personally couldn’t agree more.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Chapter 13

YAY!! Finally I'm back with a new post!! Sorry Sorry Sorry it has taken this long... but I really didn't know how I wanted this to go... so I hope you all aren't too mad at me to not comment and let me know what you think.  And yes, the story seems to be winding down, but I promise you won't have to wait a full week to find out when. Thanks for hanging in there!!

Soundtrack: Dirt Road Anthem - Jason Aldean : I can totally picture to Liz belting this tune out... LOL

Ch. 13

Grandma was waiting for everyone to be with her when she took her last breath in this world.  Everyone from the squad, her best friends and her family were packed into the tiny ICU room whispering a prayer for her safe passage to heaven.  There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

I slept on the couch in her living room that night, thinking back on all the times we had spent together as I grew up and all the times I didn’t get a chance to be with her.  Even without her here, I could still hear her scolding me over the phone for saying sorry for not getting a chance to spend time with her.

“Jarret, you make me proud every time I see you on the ice.  I know you are playing with me on your mind,” she would always say.

I couldn’t believe she wasn’t going to be there to talk to anymore. 

We buried Grandma next to my grandfather and life moved on the way it always does.

My family returned home and I was left figuring out the pieces here in Kamsack before heading back to LA.  Everyday Beth wasn’t working; she was with me helping to go through all of Grandma’s things.  Things had changed between us, but I wasn’t sure if it was because we were both grieving for Elsie, if it was because Jack had moved to Saskatoon, or a combination of things, but it somehow felt as if things were back to square one.


“Yeah?” she answered as we sat across from each other eating some grilled chicken I had made for dinner.

“What has changed?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, looking slightly confused by my question.

“Well, before everything…well, you know…we were basically dating, but now you don’t even let me kiss you,” I said quietly.

She sighed and sat back in her chair.  “I didn’t think having a conversation about our relationship was particularly appropriate with everything going on.”

“Well, how about now?  Because I have to admit I feel like you are a million miles away right now and I miss you.”

“I’m in love, Jay.  But it’s not with you.”

“It’s Jack.”

She nodded her head and bit her lip.  “Yeah, it’s Jack.”

I felt my heart drop a bit, yet something inside of me said it was probably the right thing.  “That night in the garden…”

“You kissed me so that I wouldn’t see Jack,” she accused quietly.

“I really do care about you, Beth.”

She smiled sincerely.  “And I really care about you and I don’t doubt your feelings, but I think we both know I am meant to stay here and live the life that I’ve always been comfortable with.  That girl you met in Vancouver was not me and I can’t help but think that is the girl you would hope me to become.  I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.”

“See that’s the thing.  I like this girl a lot better than the one in Vancouver,” I reiterated my statement by reaching across the table and taking her hand.  “I guess I always knew your words to me in the beginning about not wanting a fling were always true and that there was no way it could be anything more than that.”

“I don’t want to lose my friendship with you though…” she squeezed my hand.

“I’m fairly sure Grandma made that impossible with the instructions she left in her will,” I laughed.

“What do you mean?”

I left go of her hand, got up from the table and quickly walked back to my bedroom to grab the envelope the Lawyer dropped off yesterday.  I was slightly floored when he read through everything, but it only cemented the fact of how selfless Elsie was.  I was also made aware how much she wanted to make sure everything was in order when she died.

“Your grandmother,” the lawyer smiled as he was obviously thinking about her, “everyday she would come into my office and add a thing or two to the will.  She was like clock-work.  As the beginning of her last week on this earth, she came in with a solemn look on her face and said, ‘Frank, I need to change something because I messed up.’  I said, what is that Elsie?  She said, ‘I tried to meddle with love and I realized that I have been so wrong.  You see, I thought for sure my Jarret and Lizzie belonged together, but Jack stopped by the other day and we had a little chat.  He has finally manned up and I know now that he and my Lizzie are meant to be together.  So I need to make sure we take Jarret off the house and just put Lizzie on it.  Her and Jack will need a place to live when they get married.’  I said, are they engaged Elsie?  She said, ‘not yet, but that is what else I need to change in my will.  I am putting some small print on the money that is designated to go to the Squad.  I want it to say that they only way the money can go to the Squad is that the by-laws need to be changed to allow Jack and Lizzie to work together when they are married.  This town needs them and it needs them to be allowed to be partners.’  I smiled and nodded my head at her, thinking she was done, but she spoke again.  ‘And Frank, I want you to add that Jarret and Lizzie co-chair a community foundation with the money I am giving towards that.  This way Jarret has to come back to Kamsack every summer so he never forgets me or his new friends.’”

I have to admit I was little floored with her request, but that was Grandma.  She always wanted me to remember my roots and she knew how important Beth had become to me over the summer and that it didn’t matter if she wasn’t my girlfriend or not because she was always going to be someone I needed in my life.

Beth’s face was priceless when I read through the part of the will that explained how the two of us would have to work together and I told her the story from the lawyer.  However, I left out the part about the Squad by-laws being changed because I figured that would be something Jack or Rick would want to tell her and I didn’t want to be the one to ruin that for them.

“I didn’t truly make my decision about Jack until Friday,” she said, sounding completely miffed as she relaxed back into her chair.

“She always knew everything,” I smiled.

“So was she also right about you and me staying friends?” she asked hesitantly, her blue eyes sparkling as she looked at me curiously.

“I’m excited at the prospect of working with you on a foundation for the town.  I know there are a lot of things we could do…whether its projects for the kids, like a hockey camp or even just random community service projects,” I beamed as I told her some of my ideas.

“You still didn’t answer my original question,” she bit back an amused smile.

“Beth, I love you.  Maybe not the way Jack loves you, but I love you in my own way and I never want to lose you.  I’m just glad my meddling grandmother knew that.”

“If I wouldn’t be so in love with my profession, I’m sure things might have been different, but, well, you know as well as I do how much it means to me,” she said with a sad smile.

“I understand that completely, because I feel that way about my job.”

“This is going to be the best foundation ever!” she suddenly blurted out.  “I’m so excited to be apart of this.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and smile at her enthusiasm.  If it was one thing I learned this summer, it was the fact that Beth could always make me smile.

“Hello?” I answered my cell phone, Thursday night as I sat in my lonely apartment in Saskatoon.  It had been a long first week on the job.  I was grieving for Elsie and missing Liz more than anything, despite the fact we talked on the phone each night for at least an hour.  I was hell bent on making this work until I was able to find a way to get a job closer to Kamsack.

“So I was wondering how tied down to this new job you are…” Rick began smoothly into the phone.

“You sound like you having something on your mind,” I chuckled.

“Well, I did lose my best medic this week,” he threw back.

“I wouldn’t say I’m your best…” I smiled while stretching back in the recliner.

“You sure have lost your edge by going all Romeo,” Rick chirped.

“I’m not saying that because she’s my girlfriend,” I replied.

He laughed into the phone and I could mentally picture him nodding his head in agreement.  “So, what if I told you we changed some rules about relationships here on the squad?”

“Why don’t you just spit it all out and stop pussy footing around the information,” I growled into the phone, once again sitting up in the recliner with a hint of excitement flowing through my veins.

“Jack.  Elsie left the squad money.  A lot of money, but the only way we can have it is if we allow you and Lizzard to work together, despite the fact you two are now in a relationship.”

I took in a breath and blew it out, “Why that old bat.  Even after her death she still meddles in people’s lives,” I laughed, silently throwing up a prayer to the wonderful woman.

“Un-surprisingly the board unanimously passed the new by-law last night when they saw the dollar amount they would be receiving.  Not only are we getting a new station, but a new ambulance and off-road truck are being ordered next week,” Rick informed me.

“They are going to allow us to stay partners?  Because truthfully if I have to work with Taylor again I will be going to jail for murder…”

“You and Liz have always worked well together and I know you’ll always put professionalism first.  I never doubted that.  I’m just glad the two of you can finally be happy in your personal lives too, because honestly, you are too much of a bear when you aren’t getting any.”

I laughed.  “Gee, thanks Rick.”

“Anytime buddy.  Do you need me to smooth things over with your boss down there in Saskatoon?”

“Nah, Jason will understand.”

“Good, you in a week and a half then.”

“Can you do me a favor?”


“Please don’t tell Liz.  I want to surprise her myself.  She’s coming down here this weekend, but I want to surprise her.”

“No problem.  You are the one that has to deal with her wrath, not me,” he laughed before hanging up.

Something I’m more than capable of handling.

“So you aren’t going to be jealous about Jarret and me working together on the foundation?” I asked Jack on Saturday night.  I had driven down to Saskatoon Friday evening after I finished my shift at the Squad.

“Why should I be jealous?  I got the girl,” Jack answered back with a playful grin, knowing he came off cocky sounding.  Sure he had the girl, but that didn’t mean I still wasn’t worried about how all this was going to work out.  I was fairly sure the only reason why this week went well was because I was kept busy helping Jay with Elsie’s place.  Once Jay left by the end of next week, I was fully expecting to go crash into the brick wall of reality.  Sure, I’ve been an independent woman for how many years, but finally I didn’t have to be alone anymore and I wanted to be able to revel in that feeling.

 I pinched at him, making him take my wrists into his hands to keep me from doing any further damage.  “You can still lose the girl if you keep being a cocky ass,” I grumbled, realizing I couldn’t even make my words come out believable.  Jack did that to me.

“You love my cock,” he growled, easily pushing me backwards onto the couch and pressing me into the cushion with his body.

“This is true, but…” I began before his lips came crushing down onto mine, effectively silencing me.  With the amount of sex we had in just a 24 hour period, I almost began to be thankful that we only saw each other on the weekends because I was sure it was going to take a week to heal and rest up from all this.  Not that I am complaining.  We were definitely making up for lost time and I was enjoying every minute of it.  Jack treated me like a princess.

“So can I ask you a question?” I practically moaned as his lips and tongue moved down between my cleavage.

“Hmm?” he hummed.

“Is this how the playboy of Western Saskatchewan was with all his women?”

“You mean constantly fucking them?”

“Yeah…” I answered in a high pitch whisper when he jammed his hand down my shorts and pressed a finger to my button.

“Nah, they weren’t half as fun to listen to,” he laughed, his breath across my wet nipple causing me to shiver.

“Listen to?” I stuttered out.

“Oh baby, pleeeeaaassseeee.  Yes, Jack… fuck me.  Oh, yessss, I loooooove yooooooou,” he mimicked my bedroom voice in perfect tone.  “I’ve been waiting to hear those words from you for so damn long that I just can’t get enough of them,” he informed me before stretching up and kissing me, not allowing me to cry out when he pushed two fingers deep into me.

I was panting when he broke the kiss and went back to sucking on my nipples.  The man was masterful and I knew it was going to be hard to leave him on Sunday.

“So I can count on you to help me move next weekend?” she pouted while I had her pressed up against the driver-side door of her truck on Sunday afternoon.  It had been an amazing weekend, probably could liken it to a honeymoon for some people.  It was even better knowing she was going to be completely shocked when I came back to Kamsack on Friday night with a U-Haul of my own.  She was going to be moving into our new home, Elsie’s home on Friday and it just so happened that I too would be moving in with her, but she just didn’t know it yet.  She also didn’t know that she wouldn’t be stuck working with Rick on Wednesday.

“Why wouldn’t you be able to count on me?” I chuckled at her.  “Did you forget that you have me now, Liz?”

She looked up at me shyly with her baby blues and shrugged her shoulders.  “I guess I’m just not used to it.”

I leaned in and breathed into her ear, “Well get used to it baby, because I love you.”

“How long am I going to have to wait to be with you?  I really am not excited about this weekend visitation thing…”

“As soon as I can find a gig closer to Kamsack, I will be there.  I promise.”

She took a breath and kicked at some dirt.  “Okay,” she said sadly.

“No frowns, Lizzie,” I scolded while lifting her chin with a finger.


“I love you Lizzie.”

She sighed and finally a smile began to appear.  “I love you too, Jack.”

“Be safe going home and call me when you get there.”

“Alright.  See you on Friday.”

“See you then, beautiful.”

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

quick note

I'm sorry for not updating this. I do actually have a chapter that is almost done, but I don't want to hastily post it before I leave on vacation and totally regret it because it's not exactly the way I want it to be. So no, I did not forget about this story and yes, next week there will be an update. As for now, I'm heading north to my cabin and I'm going to enjoy the fact that I have no cell service or internet! :o) Have a great week!!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Yes... yet another story...

Make Me Believe

This is a story I started writing last year and ended up stopping it for several months because I ended up getting lost and wasn't able to find my way back out with it. Well, some things happened in current events (i.e. trades and whatnot) and now I've found some motivation to finish this... I have to admit. I'm not a Pittsburgh fan. I don't write stories on Pens players because frankly, I'm tired of reading about Pens players all the time.  I found Mr. Neal when he played for the Stars, which is where this story begins and for that he will always be a Dallas Star in my book so that way I don't make myself for liking a Penguin. So the 2nd half of this journey is going to be a little strange to me since I'm treading on territory I'm not used to and that's writing about the status-quo players who frequently show up in Hockey FanFics. I guess we all end up doing things we aren't comfortable with, whether it's in life or in this case, writing. Eitherway, I hope you enjoy it and I can't wait to hear your comments!!

The first several chapters will be posted every other day around 8am since the first half is done... so hopefully you won't be too overwhelmed. Don't worry, Crush is still on the books and we have a chapter or two to go!!

Chapter 12

Ch. 12

I was sitting out on the porch swing, waiting for Grandma to come back outside with the glasses of lemonade she had insisted on having “on such a beautiful summer evening,” when I heard the sound of breaking glass come from inside.
“Grandma?!” I called out, clambering off the swing.  “Are you okay?!”  As soon as I got through the door, I knew she wasn’t okay.  Shards of glass lay on the floor and she was out cold, looking pale and barely breathing.  I quick picked up her phone and dialed 911.  Within a few minutes Taylor and Paul were on location, administering care to her.  She wouldn’t respond to me or them and I heard Taylor mumble something about possibly being a stroke or something.  They asked me if I wanted to ride along with them, but I decided to just gather a few of her items they night need at the hospital and head over by myself.  I was just about ready to walk out the door when I decided I should probably call Beth.  When she didn’t answer, I called Jack.
“What do you want Jarret?” he growled into the phone, sounding very annoyed that I was on the other end and not my Grandma.
“Taylor and Paul just came and picked up Grandma…” I explained.
“Just stay put and we’ll pick you up,” he said quickly, his tone of voice softening and 5 minutes later Beth came flying up the sidewalk, looking like an angel in a lilac sundress.  Her hair was flying unruly behind her and tears were plastered on her cheeks as she threw herself into my arms.
“What happened?!” she cried.
“I’m not sure.  Taylor did say something about it possibly being a stroke, but I guess we will find out when we get to the hospital.”
“Okay, then let’s go.  Do you have her insurance cards and medication list that she keeps on the fridge?” she asked suddenly.
I smiled, glad to know that even if I wouldn’t have been here with Grandma, she had people who cared just as much for her to even know where she kept everything in case of an emergency.  “I have it all,” I said quietly.
“Well then, let’s get moving,” she said breathlessly, taking my hand and leading me over to Jack’s Jeep.  Before I could tell her to sit shot-gun, she easily climbed up onto the back tire and into the back seat, seeming to forget that she was wearing a dress.  I just shook my head and climbed in.
“Thanks Jack,” I said, nodding to him.  He nodded back, acknowledging me before he put the Jeep in gear and headed off to the hospital.

It was bad.  My dearest Elsie had a massive stroke, placing her in a coma that she was likely to never come out of.  We knew it was only a matter of time that something like this should happen, but it didn’t make it easier.  We staged a vigil around her bed all day and night, praying and just telling stories of the past because Elsie wouldn’t want us being sad.  The only reason Jay didn’t have the physicians remove her from life support was for the simple fact that the rest of his family wanted to say their peace before-hand.
“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through,” he said quietly, leaning backwards on the hospital garden’s bench and resting his head on the sun-warmed brick on Friday evening.  It had been 2 days and we were all emotionally and physically drained.
“Me too,” I murmured, wanting to cry but realizing I ran out of tears about a day ago.  “She is the family I never had.”
“She really does love you like her own,” Jay said reassuringly as he put his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side.
“Mmm,” I hummed.  “She’s a very special lady.”
“Are you still mad at me for not visiting her more often?” he asked sincerely.
I looked up and smiled at him.  “I’ve forgiven you.”
“Well I’m glad, because I don’t know how I’d explain that one to my parents,” he chuckled.
I looked up at him and smiled because it was good to hear him laugh.  The Jarret I had come to know this summer was not serious for more than 5 minutes, so seeing him with what seemed to be a permanent solemn expression was discouraging.  “Oh, what do you mean?”
“Well I didn’t want to have to introduce you as my girlfriend who actually hates my guts for not coming to see Grandma.”
“I guess that wouldn’t sound so good,” I giggled.  “Now if you introduced me as a friend that hates your guts, I’m sure they’d find it more believable.”
He stopped laughing at this point, but his soft smile stayed.  “I like the word girlfriend better.”
I sighed, and absent mindedly traced his left eyebrow that had the scar from some hockey injury a few years back.  “I’m still not sure I believe the girlfriend part,” I answered honestly, yet not really wanting to get involved with a conversation on our relationship.  I wasn’t able to label it because I wasn’t able to figure out what the fuck was going on.
“This has something to do with Jack,” he said plainly, yet not sounding overly upset about it.
I looked up into his grey eyes and just nodded.
“If I wouldn’t be here, you would be with him.”
“If you wouldn’t be here things would still be the same between Jack and me,” I said, defeated.  “We would still be work partners and best friends, no questions on if there was a romantic future between him and me.  I guess you became the catalyst,” I laughed sadly.
He threw me off guard when he leaned in and kissed me.  A person can usually tell one someone is going to kiss you, but I totally wasn’t expecting this one.  I left out a little surprised squeak when his lips pressed to mine and soon I found myself wrapping around him like I did every other time he kissed me.  Jarret was so easy to get lost with, but I still wasn’t sure if it was due to the fact I was so physically attracted to him or for the fact that I wanted so bad for this to work out because I knew Jack was leaving.

“So what are you going to do with the house?” she asked as she finished taping up a box of books I was donating to the library.  Moving turned out to be the perfect time to part with things I hadn’t looked at in the last 5 years, yet I’m pretty sure Liz was taking most of my things for herself, including some of my old baseball hats.
“I’ll probably sell it once the housing market goes back up.  In the mean time Taylor said he was looking to get out of his apartment, so I told him he could stay here and pay the utilities since the mortgage is already paid off.”
“I see.”
“Are you going to buy a place in Saskatoon or just rent?” she asked, and I knew then she was just trying to make small talk.  I was actually surprised when she showed up here this morning offering to help me pack since she hadn’t really talked to me since the night Elsie was rushed to the hospital.  We were all in a state of shock and keeping busy seemed to be the only therapy that helped keep our mind off the one woman who loved us as her own.  But, I was fairly sure Liz wanted to give Jarret’s family alone time with Elsie, especially since they finally arrived early this morning.  In reality, I really didn’t want her help after finding her and Jarret kissing in the hospital garden last night, but I didn’t say anything because I don’t think she even knew I was there…
Last Night:
I came to say my goodbyes to Elsie on Friday night and also hoped to see Liz to say goodbye to her, but her and Jarret were nowhere to be found in the room or on the floor.
“Excuse me, have you seen Elsie’s visitors lately?” I asked one of the nurses in the hallway.
“Jarret Stoll?” she asked with wide eyes, practically drooling.
“Um, yeah.”
“Yeah, he and that girl,” she grimaced, “Said they were going outside for some fresh air.”
I wanted to tell her that I agreed with her disdain about the thought of them being a couple, but I figured it wasn’t appropriate so I just said, “Okay, thanks.”  I went out to the dimly lit garden saw the back of their silhouettes sitting on the bench looking quite cozy together.  I thought Jarret had seen me so I started taking steps towards them, but next thing I knew he was kissing Liz.  Suddenly I lost the urge to say goodbye and decided I’d just text her when I got to Saskatoon instead of ruining their little make-out session.
Back to Present:
“I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do,” I answered her honestly.  She wanted me to be honest, so I figured I might as well be.  “I don’t know how long I’m going to be in Saskatoon, I just might end up heading somewhere else, make a new start…”
Even though I was bent over packing some errant items into a box, I didn’t miss the look of shock on her face and the sudden slumping of her shoulders.  “Jack?”
“Yeah?” I stopped and looked up at her.
She stood there looking back at me like she wanted to say something but suddenly seemed to think the better of it and just shook her head.  “When are you going to say goodbye to Elsie?”
“I did,” I murmured, going back to moving a box with the others that were piled right by the front door.
“When?  I’ve been there for 2 days straight and I didn’t see you…”
“Well maybe if you weren’t making out with her grandson in the garden of the hospital, you would have seen me,” I cranked, unable to hold my tongue any longer.
“I wasn’t…wait, what?  I was not making out with him!”
“I saw you two kissing when I walked out into the garden,” I growled.
She looked at me for a moment like she honestly had no clue what I was talking about before I finally saw the light bulb switch on.  “Oh…”
“I thought Jarret saw me, so I started walking towards you two, but then suddenly you had your arms wrapped around his neck and well…I saw more than I wanted to,” I continued while busying myself once more.
She didn’t say anything, instead she just stood there quietly, almost as if she was in deep thought.  I watched curiously as she reached up and softly touched her lips and dropped her hand when she realized she did it, blushing as if she was ashamed yet not smiling.  She looked up at me and then suddenly began walking towards the front door.  “I’m sorry, I need to go…”
I stood still for a split second but my feet had a different idea, instantly overriding my brain by carrying me over to her.  I grabbed onto her arm and pulled her back inside the house, closing the door behind her and locking it.  “You are not going anywhere,” I said in a broken, low tone before pulling her towards me and kissing her hard.

Things just seemed off.  When Jack mentioned Jay’s kiss in the garden, it suddenly reminded me how I felt that kiss was out of nowhere.  It was out of nowhere because Jarret was staking claim on me by kissing me in front of Jack.  He knew that if he kissed me, Jack would most likely just walk away like he had done so many times.  Thinking about it threw me for even more of a loop because all this time I had been confused when the boys were basically trying to one-up each other without me really seeing it.  I had heard their conversation on the porch the night of the rescue and I had noted their heated conversation right before I came over and interrupted them so that Jack could go over my gear.
When Jack began kissing me so much of me just wanted to let him keep doing it but the red-head attitude took over and I pushed him off of me.  “Oh fuck no.  I am done with this.  I will not be fought over like some kind of prize!” I cried.  “You two keep banging chests and all this is about is getting the girl to show who is better! Well, how about you both don’t get the girl?  What does that do?!” I continued, moving out of Jack’s reach and unlocking the door.
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Jack threw back, his strong hand coming down on mine and pulling it off the lock without giving me a chance for an escape.  “This isn’t a game to me Liz.  I love you.  Don’t you ever listen to a god-damn word I say to you?!”
“But Jarret…”
“Yeah, maybe he’s playing the game you are talking about but I’m not.”
“But you are leaving me,” I broke down, finally allowing the tears to come after keeping it in for so long.  I had been a wreck when it first came to light but I wasn’t allowed to dwell on it because of everything with Elsie and now here I was packing up his place and he was once again professing his love for me.  As a girl who did not deal well with drama, I was quickly finding myself in a really scary nightmare.
I sat down on the floor and put my head to my knees and just cried.
Jack sat down next to me and wrapped a strong arm around me, just letting me sob with an occasional, “sssh,” coming from his mouth, but nothing demanding me to stop for which I was grateful.
“All these years of waiting and now here I am…God…Elsie always tried to point it out but I never believed her because you never let on…I just always thought…why…”  Everything came out completely incoherent, but it all made sense to me.  I was in love with Jack for so long and I had waited so long for him to say those words to me, I had waited so long to be in his arms like we were that night in the tent and it all just came at the wrong time.  The one person I wanted to talk was lying in her hospital bed, on the cusp of crossing to the other side.
When I quieted down to just the hiccups with an occasional sniffle, Jack began to talk.  “Her name was Rochelle.  She was my high school sweetheart.  We had dated since we were 16 and we lost our virginity together on prom night.  I asked her to marry me on graduation night but she turned me down because she had been accepted to nursing school and said she had to finish that first.  So she went to school in Lethbridge and I went to medic school and began my training.  Two years later I proposed again and we bought our first house right outside of Saskatoon.  She got a job at the hospital where my medic unit was based out of, so we basically worked together unless I was out on a call.  A few weeks before our wedding I got sick and called off work.  I tried my damndest to get her to call off with me so that she could stay home and take care of me but she told me to stop being a baby and walked out the door.  30 minutes later I got a call from the ER director telling me to get to the hospital because Rochelle had been in an accident.  10 minutes after I arrived, she was pronounced dead.  I moved to Kamsack after a few months of drinking and staying holed up in the house that was supposed to be ours.  Rick had found me at a conference and talked me into working for him, promising me a new and different life.  I bitched and threatened to quit when he said he was making you my partner but when I saw your blue eyes I realized that maybe there was still something better in life for me.  When I saw you with Jarret that night in Vancouver, I realized I had waited too long to make my move.  Elsie gave me shit on the car ride home from Saskatoon, telling me that I was stupid for not telling you after all these years.  I told her that I didn’t want to ruin everything you and I had worked for.  I admit, I played you for a long time.  I always knew what made you nervous around me, I always felt you shutter when I’d stand close to you or touch you.  That morning we kissed, I realized I had waited way to long to do that.  That night we made love, I understood that God had made another woman for me to replace Rochelle and that I didn’t care if I threw my career away because I needed you.  I’m running away to Saskatoon in hopes you’ll come after me because I’m too much of a chicken to just tell you how I feel and how much I don’t want you to be with Jarret.”
After he was done speaking we sat there for what felt like hours, meditating on everything he had just put out in the open.  The next move is yours, Liz.

She looked over at me, bleary eyed and straight faced.  It was probably the first time I couldn’t read her mind.  Her blue eyes glowed with her red, puffy eyes and her hair was an utter disaster.  Tears still stained her beautiful face and her lip was swollen from chewing on it.  She looked so small and vulnerable as I cursed myself for being one of the main causes for this look.
I’m fairly sure I didn’t breathe when I watched her hand slowly reach across the small space between us and begin unbuttoning my shirt.  When it was completely un-done, her hands slid up onto my shoulders and began pushing it off of me.  I shrugged my shoulders to allow the shirt to just fall off and quick pulled off my ribbed-tank so that she didn’t have to worry about that either.  After that was off I leaned towards her and cupped her face with my hand, still marveling at the fact of how small she was compared to me.
She reached up with her small hands and took mine into hers, staring at it and running her finger-tips lightly over my palm, tracing the lines.  “Your hands are so rough but when you touch me, you are so gentle,” she whispered, only glancing at me once as she spoke.
“I’d never hurt you.”
“My uncle did a couple times,” she said quietly.
“I know.  Elsie told me.”
She looked up me and smiled sadly at me, biting her lip once more.  I couldn’t wait any longer.  I leaned in and kissed her, softly at first but then more urgently when she moved up onto her knees and moved closer to me.  I hooked my fingers into the bottom hem of her shirt and pulled it off of her in a fluid motion, her bra was off too before her shirt even hit the floor.  She crawled closer to me, pushing me backwards onto the floor so that I was now looking up at her while she straddled me.  Her hair became a shield from the outside world when it fell all around me.  This time our kiss wasn’t gentle, it was demanding and firm.  Out of need, I wrapped my arms around her small frame and pulled her down towards me, instantly turning up the heat when the warm skin of her torso came in contact with mine.  Her skin was silky smooth as I ran my hands up and down her back while we kissed like crazy.

I threaded my fingers through his dark, thick hair that I had loved since the first day we met.  He never kept it tame and it fit him perfectly when it curled around his ears.  His body was firm and hard underneath me, almost causing me to cry out in anticipation.  I wanted to make love to him and I wanted him to do the same to me.  He didn’t disappoint and after a few minutes of tongue-wars he rolled me off of him and switched positions.  He hovered above me and smiled before laying a trail of hot kisses down my neck.  I fumbled with the button on his shorts, but it didn’t take me long to get him out of them and down to his boxers.  Soon I was wiggling out of mine and he was burying himself between my thighs.
“Jack!” I cried out as his tongue delved into me.  My hands flew to his thick hair, giving me something to hold onto for the wicked ride he began taking me on.  I swear he was purring every time I moved or made a noise.  His strong arms clamped my legs down so that I couldn’t squeeze off the blood flow to his head as I came.  “F-fuck! Yes, more!” I yelled.  As soon as I came, he inserted a thick finger into me and started it all over again.  Too soon, stars were being seen and I was laying limp on the floor while he back over-top of me, kissing a path back to my lips.  I didn’t even notice he had removed his boxers until I felt his thick, hot length pushing against my tingling folds.  I spread my legs for him and granted him entrance.
Elizabeth,” he breathed hotly into my ear as he slowly pushed inside of me, stretching me as he went along.  “You feel like home, my beautiful Elizabeth.”
I’m fairly sure I’ll never get used to hearing such loving words from his mouth.  If you passed Jack on the street, you would see a gorgeous, dark and rugged man who looked like he would break an egg just by picking it up.  However, I quickly found that he was a gentle giant that knew how to touch and please with the best of them.  His words were the cherry on top of the most delicious sundae.
I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him deeper, rocking against him every time he bottomed out.  His arms were underneath me, cradling me while we made love with our eyes open.  It wasn’t long until we were both crying out and giggling at the beads of sweat that had formed on both of our bodies.
“Eeew, you’re totally all sweaty!” I squeaked when he playfully wiped his forehead on my shoulder.
“Like you are any better?” he chuckled, pulling a piece of hair off my face that had become plastered to my skin from our exerting activity.
“I thought guys like girls all sweaty,” I smiled.
He looked like he was going to disagree but he seemed to change his mind when he said, “Yeah, okay, it’s definitely sexy when you know you are the reason for the sweat.”
I just smiled and puckered my lips and willed him to kiss me, which he did with a loud “smacking” sound to finish it off.
This is what I have been missing for so many years.